i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
