I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
