please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
