I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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