The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
i think i just lost a toe
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
