the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize