i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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