Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
