Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
