he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Randomize
