he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
