Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
