guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
