one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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