I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
