Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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