So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
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Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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