I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
