she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
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Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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