they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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