i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
