You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
