I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
