I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
