i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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