don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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