Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
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Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.