I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
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He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying