How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.