I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
