he shaved USA in his pubs
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
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Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills