She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across