I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
