remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
