Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
