I seem to have left my pride at pride
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
