Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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