I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My penis needs a shock collar
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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