Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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