it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
All I want is dick and wine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
