My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
