Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
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What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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