Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
