it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
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Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
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Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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