i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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