i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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