does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
