i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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