I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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