The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
