so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
