Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
