I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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