the new term for farting is butt boxing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
