he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
