iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
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It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
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I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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