Well apparently he's into motor boating.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
