there's paper in my vomit.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
