i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
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champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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