you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
