At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Randomize
