Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
