Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
