no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
