It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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