i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize