I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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