Your mouth is God's brothel.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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