your room smells of hookers.
And success
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
