I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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